Heart-broken she watched them walk away - her family, her friends and him - the one who held her heart. Every step shattered the already broken heart into pieces so tiny she felt it would never be whole again. The train moved further away and he looked back to see her standing at the door. She held back the tears that wanted to flow and met his blue eyes. He smiled at her, and mouthed the words, 'You'll be alright'. She knew he meant it. She sighed, told herself that six months would fly by and she would be home soon. She smiled a smile that just about reached her hazel eyes to her dear ones and took her seat near the window to watch them turn into mere silhouettes in the moonlight of the poorly lit railway station, soon to disappear.
She could hold it in no longer. She couldn’t comprehend why she meant so much to each of them but she could state so many reasons as to why each one meant so much to her. The tears fell… people stared but she ignored them. None of it mattered. She had to let it out.
Every thought made her smile and cry. She had no clue what to do. And he called, “I know you’re crying… and I’m not going to tell you to stop. Let it out and then call me back.”
“Don’t hang up. I don’t like feeling so alone. So lost.”
“Love, you’ve got my heart. You can never be alone and God will watch over you. It was hard for me to hear you say you’d go so far away to study but He helped me through that and He’ll help you through this. You told me that He’s leading you. So take it in stride and I’ll come visit you soon.”
“You’re coming? When? How did that happen?”
“Your parents thought it would make you feel better about going away so suddenly if, once you had a chance to cry it out a bit, you knew that we’d come to see you and what you’re up to. They invited me along. I’ll see you in a month’s time. Look forward to that and smile the smile that brings so much joy to the world.”
“Well, I’m smiling a bit. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to smile joyously with those I love so far away.”
“We’re right there with you. You know each one of us so well. You know exactly how each of us would react to what you say and do. True, we’re not with you to hold your hand. But know that God has us all safe in His arms. You’re in good hands my love. There’re none better.”
“I’ll remember. Remember all that God has blessed me with. I’ll remember that, though I don’t feel strong, He’s there to give me strength. Though I don’t know what I’m doing, He knows every step I take and will protect me. He’ll keep you safe as well and my parents and everyone else and he won’t let me forget where all my blessings come from.”
“But what if I don’t succeed? What if everything goes wrong? What if I can never come back? What if they hate me there? What if I can’t match their talents?”
“You didn’t choose this on your own, you were led. I was with you when you prayed. I prayed with you. God works for good always. I know you. It will be hard for you. But you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You've asked for this opportunity to be taken away if it wasn’t for you. But that’s exactly what you've been given. You’ve asked that God leads you through everything. Don’t worry. He will. Never forget that He loves you and always wants what is best for you and nothing less.”
"I know. But I’m so scared. How am I still in such doubt? I want to believe. I don’t know what to do. I’ve barely left home and I really want to come back, I won’t be able handle the work. I feel like I’m about to drop out right now.”
“There’s no chance of that happening. You’re too stubborn for it. I know you feel lost… but where you’ll go, He knows. He’s going to hold your hand right through it. Look to Him for guidance through everything. Be yourself and love like you always do. Your smile can light up a room with its innocence and honesty.”
“But I’m scared I’ll change. You know how gullible I am. You know how much I yearn to belong.”
“But I also know how much you dislike doing things just because everyone else does them. You’ve got great instincts. Listen to them. I’ll call you every day and you can talk to me always.”
“I love you always. Hearing your voice makes me feel safe again. You’re right. I’ll be back soon. It’ll take time to adjust but I will. And don’t miss me too much. You may be the stronger of the two of us but I know you’re just like me when it comes to feeling lonely. I’ll see you soon and I’ll always keep your heart safe. We may be torn between two cities but we’ll always be one.”
“Get some sleep and rest. There’s a new world waiting to see you and what you can do when you believe in yourself and trust in God. I love you. The Lord bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you. Keep smiling, ‘kay?”
“I’ll call you when I get there.”
The call having ended, she looked out into the midnight sky with the crescent moon peeping through soft clouds, she told herself, she’d be strong and decisive in everything. A new life would not make her forget the old. She would still hold dear what she had now and she’d trust in God to show her through everything and lead her to what it was she was meant to do.
