This Teacher's Day

I remember being about ten years old and wanting to be a teacher, but I have a feeling, that's not when it started.

I remember wanting to run a play school like the one I was sent to - a second home.

I remember wanting to drop science, but still teach, in grade five.

I remember dropping the idea of teaching literature and contemplating computers instead in grade eleven.

But through it all, I remember that I've always wanted to teach.

I remember someone once close to me asking me what I'd like to be when I grow up, and to my response of 'a teacher', told me that I would change as I grew up. Either they were wrong, or quite possibly, I haven't grown since then, but the wanting to teach hasn't changed much.

Two days ago, someone described what I do as a state of 'being' as opposed to a state of 'doing'. And, that is where I must begin.

Teaching has become what I've come to see as my calling, and for this, I have distinct reasons, with which I shall not bore people with at the moment. But all the same, I have been led to teach over time and over multiple spaces.

It is a state of 'being' for me, as was aptly put, I think. I do not know what I would do if I wasn't to teach. I do not know who I would have been, if I had wanted something else. Although, I did have the choice that many people seem to feel devoid of. Yet, despite it all, I love that I am and that I do.

I remember a little origami flower I received a few years ago. That was my first ever teacher's day gift, with a little note that held lots of love.

I remember smiling faces and flowers that have been presents over the past the years, and am thankful.

Today was a day that was unlike any other day. It was a day that my students reminded me how special they are, and how much I am loved. It is humbling.

Over the past week, I have been shooed out of class rooms and halls, while students practiced their routines and songs for today. It showed me their care and compassion. It showed me their love.

Today, I was shooed out once again, and then welcomed in with great honor and excitement, to a note on the board and lovely students presenting me with things that mean so much more than what they are at face value. It is an overwhelming moment of emotion to walk into.

Watching routines come to life, having tasks handed out that aren't quite so simple, and seeing the joy on faces as you willingly participate, though hesitant, in things that make you severely uncomfortable.

To come home to a card from my first and most favorite, is cause for an exuberant overflow of joy to embellish what has otherwise been a splendid day in itself.

Teaching is not walking into a classroom to be the boss. It is not knowing what to do all the time. There is so much more to it, and I am constantly learning from my students just as I hope that they may be learning from me.

It is a challenge. It requires a lot of time, effort, patience, and all of the other fruit of the spirit. But it has never been anything less than worthwhile.

I am blessed. I am grateful. I am a teacher.

Adieu

To the man who loved me more than I could ever love at all, I bid adieu.

And yet, a legacy that touches the world cannot be defeated by the mere likes of death. 

You live on in us. And we live on with you.

So, this is not goodbye.

I'll see you when He decides I can come home too.

Thangam

Summer Rain

Pitter Patter.
The incessant drizzle.
Drumming in her head.
Drumming around her.

But the window is open,
Not a drop is falling.
Where is the rain?
Where is the sun?

Where is the giver of life anew?
Where is that which makes old things new?
Why does she hear it thundering through?
Why can she not see through the draught?

The silence resonates.
Mind muddled.
Where is the light?
Summer radiates with no sun?

Prelude to Lost in Translation

So somewhere along the course of all that blogging I didn't do, I've been mulling over many things to write about. One of them is the topic Lost in Translation. Now, I can think of several things that this could mean, but more than anything I think this most aptly describes me and how I talk to people :| Everything seems to be lost in the translation from thought to brain to speech. But Imma put up my latest Lost in Translation piece soon. As soon as it's done being graded and no longer has to be ungooglable. Somehow I can't picture them listening to reason that this actually is my account and that actually is my original story coz I'm the same person who submitted it!
Ah well, we'll see when it comes out, but keep an eye out for it!
Perhaps I should get back into writing on my blog! Who agrees?

College. Again. Uni This Time Though.

So, I'm in University now... Hmmmmm.... Lol, still feel the same and yet I feel soooo different.
1) I'm actually looking forward to getting into everything we'll be learning.
2) I'm finally going to be reading Jane Austen and Shakespeare and the likes. Seriously, it's high time and I love the fact that I'm going to be reading and analysing and everything because I'll have no other choice and it's just perfect. Because I want to READ THEM!. Like I said, HIGH TIME!
3) Christ University's campus is just amazing. And I've barely seen it yet. But so far, my favourite place is under the trees where the wind blows beautifully :D :D :D I wonder if I'll feel the same 3 months from now when it gets colder...
4) Lonely Loner that I am :P That's my bro's name for me. I don't think I'm that much of a loner though.
5) Mallu Central! Seriously, I've been there 2 days, and every 3rd person or so has been a Malayalee. And as a matter of fact, there are groups of 3-4 Mallus sitting everywhere :P Especially under the trees where I like to sit and read... They flock together, seniors mostly, but still. I'm intrigued that I manage to find them. Lol. Not that I ever say anything though...
6) I'm singing, ALL THE TIME! :D And I love it! Dunno what it has to do with Uni though :P

In other news,
1. This little kid, barely 2 feet tall walked up in front of my bike today and just put out his hand. And this is where I'm barely able to manage the Activa coz my mum's on it with me, and I've not ridden in over a month especially not with a pillion since I dropped my wallet and took Ru for a ride. Not easy -.- I had no words for the child. Just sadness that the indiscipline of our ancestors is still being handed down through us to the lovely little ones that grace the world :( Sigh...
2. Had an interview for class-rep. Idk but somehow, I don't feel quite comfortable being responsible for other people anymore. Sigh... I used to be nice that way. But after 16, 98 classmates just seemed like I might be asking to blow up.

"Lord, give me grace for this new beginning to shine like a beacon to Your glory." :)
My prayer for the day. Much love and have fun. See ya when I post again :D (hopes there's someone out there) 

Blood and Water.

"So this is a post that I've been trying to make for the past 3 or 4 days..."

      That was the starting line of a post that never got written... And now I'm back in that square wondering why I can't seem to write about what I want to say :\ I even started a small passage in my journal about the same, because apparently it's something I really want to talk about. Okay, so to clue you in on what I'm talking about, have you ever heard the saying, "Blood is thicker than water"? Umm, well, apparently it's a metaphor or something saying that family ties will always be stronger than anything else. And you know what, I agree, but I don't believe that my family is limited to the bloodline I come from.
     You see, I have some people in my life, who are as special to me as anyone in my family has ever been. And that's saying something because I'm yet to know someone who is as fond of their cousins as mine are of each other :)

     And now its been another few days since I restarted the post and the only thing that still makes sense is the title for me.

      See, life is going to throw so many things at me. It wants to knock me down. It wants me to feel like there is no point in anything; like my very existence is pure crap. I won't let it. Because I know that I have a beautiful Creator, who chose me. He made me because He had a plan for me. And no, I'm not saying I'm going to be rich and famous or anything of the sort. I'm saying, that because He loves me, I'll be fine no matter what happens. And I'm so sure because it's when I doubt this that I fall; that I feel like my world could just disintegrate.
     And the thing is, most of the time, I have friends who remind me of this and that's what helps pull me back up. And that is what I believe family is. This support system that God gives us, that we have to draw closer to Him and remind us of His love for us. He tells us that He'll never leave us alone and even if we choose not to remember He's there and lean on Him, He'll give us people to support us.

     So, I don't quite appreciate it when people mock me for who I am, or for my wanting to spend time with my friends over someone I'm related to for the mere fact that "blood is thicker than water". Point is, I don't agree with you. I think each person matters to one another in different ways, and some ties are bonds forever and others are created. But that will never mean the ones created cannot be stronger than the ones that exist by birth.

     I think I managed to sort of get how I feel out right there but not quite sure if its right... But perhaps, it's time to give this post a rest and hope that if I've not said what I want to say in the way it should be said, then it will happen some other day :)

STAY BLESSED. <3

Memories and Love

So a few days ago, I actually cooked a complete meal for a bunch of my friends and apparently they loved it. There was actually a point where I thought at least one person might fall sick, but they all loved it and had a brilliant time. Turns out, I was just psyching myself out. But seriously, that was one of the best days ever! Not because I learnt to cook something new, but because I got to spend a beautiful day with beautiful people doing unexpected things :)
     The day didn't quite start out like I'd planned coz I'd expected people to come in from 11.30 onwards, but it turned out that all of them were able to make it only two hours later :P OOPS! Well, I suppose the best food is the food you wait the most to eat :D Haha! Dessert wasn't really a success but everyone ate heartily anyway coz we mixed the two and made it somewhat perfect :P Biscuit pudding attempt. Not quite like I expected! But, Ah well :D
     Then came the best part of any meal or gathering. The incessant chattering about the whole world :D It's really really fun to keep realising how small the world is when you get together with 6 or 7 people who have a few things in common and keep searching to find more and more. And the more unexpected the findings become :P Seriously! And the laughs and smiles! And btw, these are people who have some incredibly beautiful smiles! You cannot help but smile when you have them around ^.^ <3

    So, we're just chatting and someone suggests that we go to the beach, and so despite the excitement, it takes us a while to get going, but once we're on the road, there's absolutely no stopping us! :D 7 packed into a car, feeling like sardines are better off, we head out on the long-short drive. Music bursting through the doors and drumming our ears, barely able to make out what's being sung unless you know the song, the beach welcomed us with bright sunlight, black sand and big waves that could knock us over without a thought needed.
     We didn't really plan to get wet, but we just walked along, taking pictures with a fancy camera, but not without dear cause! For the more opportunity we have to engrave memories into our brains, the better and how better to do that than with a thousand photos capturing precious moments with each other ^.^ <3
     Walking aimlessly is AWESOME! Honest! I kid you not! All you know is that you're gonna walk in a certain direction with a bunch of people who have pretty much the same idea in their heads! And then you stumble across something that all of you are so enthused by, you can't help but enjoy yourself! Okay okay, so what I actually mean is, it's brilliant that none of us actually had a plan in mind when we got there, coz we just kept watching and a zoomed-in photo told us that there was human life at the top of the lighthouse. And funnily enough, the 7 of us, all of whom have spent somewhere around 15-20 years of their lives in this city, give or take a few, had never been there before. Some of us not even to it's foot.
     And so we had a destination. And it was soooooo worth the climb right upto the top just to sit through the railings, listening to the waves crash, remembering songs, especially, Holy Phantom. Simply beautiful and quite obviously one of the highest points of our existences. :)

     But, you know what, the most beautiful part of it all is to realise that the God who made all this beauty, this wonder that will never cease to blow our minds, made us. Think about it. Every wave has a beat, a rise, a fall, a crash. Even the smallest one whispers to those who are listening. And He, this Maker of All, Artist like no other, made us. Each one. He planned out our every step, knows us inside and out. Because when you create something, if you're doing it with all your heart, then you know it by heart. The potter knows every crack in his crockery.
     It's amazing to see the sun set the sky aflame into a thousand colours that one as primitive as I would deign to simply say it was pink, orange and gold. Painting the water like jewels strewn across the ocean. Wind singing, birds flying high, near and far. And I hear the constant whisper, "I love you more" It can bring you to your knees and down to tears.
    It's funny how we never stop to realise stuff like this, because in my experience, it's the people who do notice such blessings who are the happiest. I want to be one of them, to see all the blessings that my Lord has given me, and to rejoice with all of creation because we have a glorious God and a wonderful Saviour! They make life soooo worth living! <3

I'm not very creative with my titles am I?

So, a girl I love muchly told me that she likes and reads my blog often, and that I should write longer posts coz otherwise the reading gets over too fast. She knows who she is. I felt so good so I ought to thank her. But the thing is, I haven't really written a long post since then. I don't quite know why, but I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I don't know what to write about. For example, I didn't even know how to title this post :P
       I can't particularly make up humorous lists like desigirl here. That's a talent I truly admire her for... She's one of the few writers who have actually made me laugh out loud. I thoroughly enjoy reading her posts and often wish they were longer or came more often just so I could read more and laugh more. Laughing is good for the health you know? :D
       So basically, I wanted to apologise to the one I've possibly disappointed. I feel bad about it. But I do also think that I'm generally tired by the end of the day coz my holidays are awesome! And I just don't want to think :P
      Oh, you know what, there is this one post, that I've been working on for the past week or two, but it just doens't seem to want to come out of my head completely. Phrasing it feels sooooooo difficult!! -.- Hopefully someday soon, it'll be out. I think I have something solid to say there, whether it matters to anyone or not! It's truly important to me. It's about family ^.^ Keep an eye out for it. It's called Blood and Water :)
     And in the meanwhile, keep praying that I'm inspired to write more. I truly do wish I did write more :) <3 Have a beautiful day!! I have the beach in my future today, God willing, and I'm thoroughly looking forward to it! ^.^ With two people I truly look forward to spending time with :) Trust me, you would too! They make you laugh so so much :D Peace!

Rambling

There have been so many days where I have spent hours and hours in my head throughout the day thinking about things that would be good to write about. But the moment I have my blog page open, I can't remember a thing. The fury I'd felt, the sense of being lost and confused, the joy and sorrow... everything just stops and points to this blank that does not let me write. So I decided, I'd just start somewhere, be it the same topic everyday of how my rambling is just rambling, perhaps this way I may at least learn of some new ways to write it :P
      Today was brilliant. I walked into a room full of people I knew, and felt completely at home and at peace. It was simply delightful. There really is no place like home and I truly believe home is where your heart is and is with whomever you've chosen to share your heart with.
      There are surely moments, though, when people disappoint you. They may ease you into or do it quick and so-called painlessly, but its still going hurt immensely. And it tears you down. And what I've learnt is that broken hearts are like tormenting scars... they will be there forever.
     Over time, I've forgotten how I was hurt, why I chose to forgive, why I chose to detach... but so long as I'm unable to put it behind me, and move on, the scar lives on... Some days it fades... Other days I see it so clearly, it hurts... And then I realise, maybe it was something I did, maybe it was something I said and maybe it wasn't my fault at all. But I was hurt deeply and I don't trust them with my heart again. It really is a fragile thing you know, there are only so many pieces I can give to them, or rather I'm willing to give to them...
      But the thing is, if they hurt you, its their loss. But if you choose to let it get you down, its yours. If someone cannot see what you are worth, who you are... don't bother.
I'm not really quite sure where I'm rambling to at the moment O.o But I think the point of what I'm trying to say is that even if you let situations change you, don't let it be for the worse. Don't let it harden your heart and learn to always be warm despite anything the cruel world throws at you. I know, and am quite truly blessed to be knowing, that it's not the world that decides our worth. It was decided a long long time ago on a tree that died so that another would die on it, because He loved us all.
      It can't be called love if one cannot learn to love like this. Yeah, it hurts sometimes. Maybe a lot of the time. But what comes back to encourage me, is the thought of a world where everyone treats each other with the very same love and respect. Dang, what a world that would be, innit?