The Stranger I Know

Well, I still don't know your name. And honestly, I doubt, I'll ever see you again. But, we'll never know until it happens (or doesn't). Therefore, I guess, you and I are strangers. But, I can't say that's true.

Let me start at the beginning... Our paths first crossed over a year ago, and I'm pretty sure you took as little notice of me as I did you. I remember you were busy being in charge of whatever it was you were in charge of... and I was in my own world trying not to freak out, as always, about having to stand in front of a crowd. I remember seeing you a few weeks later at another fest... You were still as unassuming as you were the first time. I remember because I'd asked a friend why you looked so familiar when you smiled at me. But you were still forgettable. And I did forget you. We were still strangers.

We still are... even though I'm beginning to sound like we've met... you and I both know that we haven't. But I doubt I'll forget the day I actually saw you. No, we didn't converse; we weren't introduced; we weren't forced to cooperate; I doubt we even have friends in common. But I remember the day I recognized something in you, I'd never seen before. I saw JOY in your eyes. Not happiness. Pure joy. Joy that I'd seen in very few people before and since.

It was a morning like any other for me, where I left home, got on one bus and waited to get off and board another one. Your bus was stopped at the red light just next to mine and as I tried to figure out why your face was so familiar, just before recognition dawned, you smiled. I smiled back. And our buses went their separate ways. You made a difference that morning; made it special. All you had to do was smile and that joy spilled over - unadulterated. Of all the people I've befriended on public transport, I'd say my story with you is the oddest, because, we still haven't met.

Our paths crossed again last month, and I still saw that joy in your eyes. Refreshing and bright. Genuine. I was on stage. You smiled with recognition, again... or at least, I'd like to believe it's recognition. I wouldn't be surprised if you were just smiling in encouragement, though. But that joy hadn't changed a bit. I was thrilled to see you, to see that smile. I should've said something, at least a "Hello"; I didn't have the courage. What if you'd never seen me before? Or maybe you would have greeted me back. I guess I'll never know.

But I'll remember. There's a part of me holding on to that fear, hoping our paths don't cross just so I won't embarrass myself; yet, another part hopes to see those joyful eyes again, knowing that you'll remember me. I suppose I may never know... But next time, I'll try harder to gather up the courage to talk to you. Just so you won't be the stranger I know anymore.

Let In

"Won't you open your heart?
Won't you let someone in?"

"Will I get hurt?
Will I be whole again?"

"I won't promise that you won't.
No one is ever whole."

"I'm broken enough.
I'm not coming."

"Everyone's broken.
Not everyone is unhappy."

"So many pieces?
No shields? No guard?"

"So many more pieces.
Even when protected."

"What's the point of the shattered existence?
Why?"

"To learn
To love."

"Love the shattering?"

"Love the broken perfection."

"How do I see the 'broken perfection'?"

"Look through My eyes."

"I'm scared. I'm scarred. I'm not good enough."

"I never asked you to be. Just let Me in."

Seeing Grace

When the wind goes quiet,
And my heart's in silence,
And the world around me's fading away,

When words aren't spoken,
And storms aren't for hopin',
When everything else looks away...

That's when I see Grace
Shining down on me
When all the world is a haze.
Through the darkness I hear,
A still small voice that says,
"I've been here always."

When I've walked in silence,
Amidst the shadows in despair,
And when I'd become one myself,

There was but one reason,
That kept me believing,
When everything else looked away.

That's when I saw Grace
Shining down on me
When all the world was a haze.
Through the darkness I heard,
A still small voice that said,
"I've been here always."

And I can't tell you a moment,
Since or before, 
That I haven't traced the lifetime of love.
Though I didn't know the reasons,
Though it took me a while to see, 
Once my eyes had been opened, 
There's nowhere I'd rather be
Than in the light of the grace that I've seen!

Because when I saw Grace
Shining down on me
When all the world was a haze.
Through the darkness I heard,
A still small voice that said,
"I've been here always."
"I'll be here always."

Place of No Return

A tethered lion.

A road down-hill.
A crumbling shack.
It begins.

Under the canopy,
Darkness chases her.
She runs.
She runs beyond redemption.
She runs to where there is no return.

They gather.
They follow.
She knows not what she runs from.
Misery envelopes her.
Hidden.
Alone.

The lion roars.
Still. Quietened.
None like it before. 
None since, has she seen.

White gold.
Beautiful.
Terrified.
Terrifying.

She sits, broken.
She will not cry.
She rises.
She will not cry.

As she walks away,
She looks back to see the depth.
Those eyes watch her disappear.
Alone.
Unafraid.

Yet, she will never find.
Yet, she cannot but search.
Misery and Peace quarrel
Enveloped is she.

Twenty Tomorrow

So, well, nothing surprising here :) Twenty tomorrow is obvious enough :")
But this post is about much much more.
I'm just really really happy right now. And Oh SO Thankful to God for His brilliance. I mean, like, I can't even put it into words. I'm just sitting here thinking of my life and how it's been so far. Yeah, I can see all those tears and stupidity and blah stuff. But then that's like just one miniscule part of my being. There are so many memories and people that come flooding in and it amazes me how I've met so many of them. So many stories and I'm telling you, He's planned it SO perfectly. I wouldn't change a thing! And He's taken me through so much and changed me so much. I just want to sit and smile and be like, I wish my smile could speak and it would just be telling the world that HE MADE ME. HE KNOWS MY NAME. HE CHOSE ME. HE LOVES ME. And this smile, is HIS. I am HIS.

I'm looking around and all I'm seeing is beauty. I mean seriously, this world is so beautiful. VERY MUCH! And to think, that Someone, who made ALL that, made me too and cares about me.
Jesus Loves Me. And He Loves you! *mindblown*

So this one's for you Lord, as is everything else I do, I hope. But I don't want to ever go into a year without You. I want You in my every moment. I want to reflect You in my every breathe. I'm looking forward to spending all that time by Your side, like never EVER before!

I know "Thank You" will never be enough but still, "Thank YOU!"
I'm singing out to You. Singing "Hallelujah" :)
Daddy God, You're the best. <3

My Shadowed Shoes.

Though you wish to walk in my shoes,
I ask you to find your own.
Though they seem inviting,
Remember, they were made in shadows.
My past is mine, and only One knows.
Your path is yours to find.
I ask you to hold my hand,
Walk beside me.
For One, He waits and watches to help.
Let's make shoes for you too, my friend.


Okay, quite literal as well as not I suppose, but this is Day 10 of Joyous June. Any fellow bloggers out there, make use of this opportunity. It's not often someone gives you inspiration and asks you to do whatever creative think you want from it. Hope you feel better Kanika! Thanks for the lovely inspirations :) I really liked this one! <3

Changed.

CHANGE. I sometimes think this is the most difficult word I've ever come across. It's certainly one of the most unpleasant a lot of times. But in the end, it's sort of ridiculous how there's absolutely nothing we can do but accept it, because life always ends up turning out the right way if we do and turning into a big mess whenever we try to resist it :|

     My dear uncle was just telling me how fast we're all growing up. And he's right you know, Joe'll be 16 in 3 months, Mike, 18 in 4 and Imma be 20 in 5?! Seriously, when the heck did we grow so big?! But you know what, I don't feel 20, I don't remember this being what it felt like to be 20 when I imagined it when I thought of someday being 20... I mean like, when I was a kid, maybe what, 5 or 6, there used to be 20-year olds in our house all the time, and I don't really remember imagining myself to grow up into someone like them... I don't think I could quite think that far at that age. Considering, I clearly recall answering a, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question with, "A nurse." Clearly, a lot has changed since then! :P

    I suppose, I was just being a little child then, but when do we actually change from being a little kid who doesn't know much to the billions of different people we are in this world? I mean, considering how much we resist change, it slips in ever so cunningly, innit? Did we ever really notice when we stopped wanting to do something because someone said don't. Did we ever really think about it, when our teachers said do? We just changed as the tide washed over us. I'd say it's a good thing because the smoothest pebbles are found washed in the river. But that doesn't mean we gotta be pebbles and not do anything but take it does it? Think about it? Lemme know :) <3

I tell you, I sure didn't notice a lot of things that changed about me until I looked back on them.

Good night!

Blood and Water.

"So this is a post that I've been trying to make for the past 3 or 4 days..."

      That was the starting line of a post that never got written... And now I'm back in that square wondering why I can't seem to write about what I want to say :\ I even started a small passage in my journal about the same, because apparently it's something I really want to talk about. Okay, so to clue you in on what I'm talking about, have you ever heard the saying, "Blood is thicker than water"? Umm, well, apparently it's a metaphor or something saying that family ties will always be stronger than anything else. And you know what, I agree, but I don't believe that my family is limited to the bloodline I come from.
     You see, I have some people in my life, who are as special to me as anyone in my family has ever been. And that's saying something because I'm yet to know someone who is as fond of their cousins as mine are of each other :)

     And now its been another few days since I restarted the post and the only thing that still makes sense is the title for me.

      See, life is going to throw so many things at me. It wants to knock me down. It wants me to feel like there is no point in anything; like my very existence is pure crap. I won't let it. Because I know that I have a beautiful Creator, who chose me. He made me because He had a plan for me. And no, I'm not saying I'm going to be rich and famous or anything of the sort. I'm saying, that because He loves me, I'll be fine no matter what happens. And I'm so sure because it's when I doubt this that I fall; that I feel like my world could just disintegrate.
     And the thing is, most of the time, I have friends who remind me of this and that's what helps pull me back up. And that is what I believe family is. This support system that God gives us, that we have to draw closer to Him and remind us of His love for us. He tells us that He'll never leave us alone and even if we choose not to remember He's there and lean on Him, He'll give us people to support us.

     So, I don't quite appreciate it when people mock me for who I am, or for my wanting to spend time with my friends over someone I'm related to for the mere fact that "blood is thicker than water". Point is, I don't agree with you. I think each person matters to one another in different ways, and some ties are bonds forever and others are created. But that will never mean the ones created cannot be stronger than the ones that exist by birth.

     I think I managed to sort of get how I feel out right there but not quite sure if its right... But perhaps, it's time to give this post a rest and hope that if I've not said what I want to say in the way it should be said, then it will happen some other day :)

STAY BLESSED. <3

Memories and Love

So a few days ago, I actually cooked a complete meal for a bunch of my friends and apparently they loved it. There was actually a point where I thought at least one person might fall sick, but they all loved it and had a brilliant time. Turns out, I was just psyching myself out. But seriously, that was one of the best days ever! Not because I learnt to cook something new, but because I got to spend a beautiful day with beautiful people doing unexpected things :)
     The day didn't quite start out like I'd planned coz I'd expected people to come in from 11.30 onwards, but it turned out that all of them were able to make it only two hours later :P OOPS! Well, I suppose the best food is the food you wait the most to eat :D Haha! Dessert wasn't really a success but everyone ate heartily anyway coz we mixed the two and made it somewhat perfect :P Biscuit pudding attempt. Not quite like I expected! But, Ah well :D
     Then came the best part of any meal or gathering. The incessant chattering about the whole world :D It's really really fun to keep realising how small the world is when you get together with 6 or 7 people who have a few things in common and keep searching to find more and more. And the more unexpected the findings become :P Seriously! And the laughs and smiles! And btw, these are people who have some incredibly beautiful smiles! You cannot help but smile when you have them around ^.^ <3

    So, we're just chatting and someone suggests that we go to the beach, and so despite the excitement, it takes us a while to get going, but once we're on the road, there's absolutely no stopping us! :D 7 packed into a car, feeling like sardines are better off, we head out on the long-short drive. Music bursting through the doors and drumming our ears, barely able to make out what's being sung unless you know the song, the beach welcomed us with bright sunlight, black sand and big waves that could knock us over without a thought needed.
     We didn't really plan to get wet, but we just walked along, taking pictures with a fancy camera, but not without dear cause! For the more opportunity we have to engrave memories into our brains, the better and how better to do that than with a thousand photos capturing precious moments with each other ^.^ <3
     Walking aimlessly is AWESOME! Honest! I kid you not! All you know is that you're gonna walk in a certain direction with a bunch of people who have pretty much the same idea in their heads! And then you stumble across something that all of you are so enthused by, you can't help but enjoy yourself! Okay okay, so what I actually mean is, it's brilliant that none of us actually had a plan in mind when we got there, coz we just kept watching and a zoomed-in photo told us that there was human life at the top of the lighthouse. And funnily enough, the 7 of us, all of whom have spent somewhere around 15-20 years of their lives in this city, give or take a few, had never been there before. Some of us not even to it's foot.
     And so we had a destination. And it was soooooo worth the climb right upto the top just to sit through the railings, listening to the waves crash, remembering songs, especially, Holy Phantom. Simply beautiful and quite obviously one of the highest points of our existences. :)

     But, you know what, the most beautiful part of it all is to realise that the God who made all this beauty, this wonder that will never cease to blow our minds, made us. Think about it. Every wave has a beat, a rise, a fall, a crash. Even the smallest one whispers to those who are listening. And He, this Maker of All, Artist like no other, made us. Each one. He planned out our every step, knows us inside and out. Because when you create something, if you're doing it with all your heart, then you know it by heart. The potter knows every crack in his crockery.
     It's amazing to see the sun set the sky aflame into a thousand colours that one as primitive as I would deign to simply say it was pink, orange and gold. Painting the water like jewels strewn across the ocean. Wind singing, birds flying high, near and far. And I hear the constant whisper, "I love you more" It can bring you to your knees and down to tears.
    It's funny how we never stop to realise stuff like this, because in my experience, it's the people who do notice such blessings who are the happiest. I want to be one of them, to see all the blessings that my Lord has given me, and to rejoice with all of creation because we have a glorious God and a wonderful Saviour! They make life soooo worth living! <3

I'm not very creative with my titles am I?

So, a girl I love muchly told me that she likes and reads my blog often, and that I should write longer posts coz otherwise the reading gets over too fast. She knows who she is. I felt so good so I ought to thank her. But the thing is, I haven't really written a long post since then. I don't quite know why, but I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I don't know what to write about. For example, I didn't even know how to title this post :P
       I can't particularly make up humorous lists like desigirl here. That's a talent I truly admire her for... She's one of the few writers who have actually made me laugh out loud. I thoroughly enjoy reading her posts and often wish they were longer or came more often just so I could read more and laugh more. Laughing is good for the health you know? :D
       So basically, I wanted to apologise to the one I've possibly disappointed. I feel bad about it. But I do also think that I'm generally tired by the end of the day coz my holidays are awesome! And I just don't want to think :P
      Oh, you know what, there is this one post, that I've been working on for the past week or two, but it just doens't seem to want to come out of my head completely. Phrasing it feels sooooooo difficult!! -.- Hopefully someday soon, it'll be out. I think I have something solid to say there, whether it matters to anyone or not! It's truly important to me. It's about family ^.^ Keep an eye out for it. It's called Blood and Water :)
     And in the meanwhile, keep praying that I'm inspired to write more. I truly do wish I did write more :) <3 Have a beautiful day!! I have the beach in my future today, God willing, and I'm thoroughly looking forward to it! ^.^ With two people I truly look forward to spending time with :) Trust me, you would too! They make you laugh so so much :D Peace!

Gah!

Have you ever had those days where you wish people would just stop making up unecessary issues and just give you a straight reason for saying or doing something or not letting you do something?

Have you ever had those days when you feel all technology is against you? -.- All the time?

Have you ever had those days when nothing's worth starting because all you really want to do is nothing because you don't feel yourself?

Have you ever had those days when you want to go out an do something great but you're too used to brooding away in a quiet corner?

FORGET THEM ALL.

Remember those days when you did go out with a bunch of friends and goofed around? Maybe danced a jig or sang a silly song?

Those days when you played with that special little boy, singing nursery rhymes and action songs and were simply ecstatic to be who you are and blessed to be with the ones you love.

Those days your cousins and you drove down to the beach and ate ice cream as the wind whispered songs of praise that everything within you responded to immediately in rejoicing to.

REMEMBER THEM.

Hold onto them. Cherish them. Love them. Grow.

Seriously though.

When was the last time any of you had the chance to wake up to silence. And then you slowly realise that you're actually listening to the sound of birds saying good morning.

It's different when you're listening. It's different to hear it anew. It's just different. You can't help but sing a song of worship with them :) <3

Enjoy!

Even when the Clouds Clear

We’ve all had those days where we just drop everything and want to do nothing but give up. We’ve been pushing on so far that life feels like a brick wall that refuses to budge. We’re tired and scared and upset and every thought that rises is one that pulls us down further; and everything within you cries for you to stop trying, begs you to take the first way out of or around it that you can find; any way.

Well, almost everything. If we listen carefully enough, through the despair that thunders through our ears; through the beating of our anguished hearts, we listen. And we hear it, faint and distant. Our voice of hope.

 Psalm 23 is but one example:

“The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in the paths of righteousness 

For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil.

My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me 

All the days of my life 

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord 

Forever.”

Words we are all well acquainted with. And many more that we can recall to encourage ourselves and anyone else who feels as low. But to see them proven, time and again is the beauty of it.

The harder we listen, the louder the words ring; until the ‘whisper through the rain, “I’m with you.”’ echoes around us. The longer we listen, the more our spirits rise. ‘Praising Him in the storm’ becomes not only a joy but the source of our strength to carry on, because our eyes slowly focus on the way He’s made for us and though we thought we’d never find it, He leads us through it.

We’ve all had days where we’ve broken down crying, “I don’t know what to do anymore.” There’s really only one thing to do. Trust that He’s right there, holding on so tightly that no matter how hard things seem, the storm will pass; the clouds will clear. And even when they do, He’s always near. 

To write.

So I've been asked to write an article for the YFC newsletter. I don't quite know why she asked me, but now I need to write it. And I really don't know where to even start. Thing is, being a believer and a writer both, ought I not be able to write this? Sincerely clueless here right now. Praying for wisdom :) 

Well Worth the Task.

She watches and waits.

Days pass away.

Mind weak and tumultous.

Thoughts out of control.

Left to despair

With anger brimming over.

Answers to "why's"

Are too cold to give.

Born in a time of trust going rotten,

Lies being told like the wind and the water.

Waves crash against her.

As she stands knee deep.

Though provoking action.

To live or escape.

Forgotten soul, not forgotten. 

Competing voices in her head. 

Images blurring the horizon. 

The wind convincing her to live.

Why she stays, she knows not.

But she will not go before time.

Purpose planned she knows not.

But well versed she is, to not whine.

Love, it fills her desperate soul.

As love heals her heart.

Opening up, though difficult.

Love's well worth the task.

Eva

Eva knew not the time of day

Eva had somehow lost her way

But Eva knew not to worry or fuss

Because Eva was never to be left in the dust.

Eva smiles, “I’ll be home soon.”

“How long will you roam, awaiting doom?”

Others would question her sanity so.

But Eva goes on. Never alone.

In His Arms

When all the world looks down on you

And you see yourself shining.

All you need to do is hold on to the Truth

And nothing can cause you to fade.

Everything said, everything done.

Not one distraction standing.

You smile, satisfied, because you know.

God is always watching.

And it’s not judgement you see in His eyes.

But love abundant and growing

You wonder why, for you, He cries.

And you go on never knowing

But to you he calls out.

By name he chose.

He wants you right beside him.

To show the world that hope isn’t lost.

It’s in His arms residing.

Truth.

Stories unfold

Of secrets untold

Meanings understood

And reasons forgotten.

Blind belief

Broken in grief

Claiming to know

The One who sees all.

Sleeping spirit rise

Tell all mankind

Truth is not told

But seen all around.

Before You Reach

You wish you knew what to do

Or even what to say

Helpless and burdened

You keep walking your way

You wonder, ‘Will it ever end?’

This mountain that you scale.

The valley may have been beautiful,

But it’s always about the climb.

You struggle to hold on.

You wish to give up.

You want to go home.

You’re just tired and rough.

Your voice is coarse as you cry out for help,

But not a soul will appear to dry your tears.

Then you quieten, leave every thought aside.

To hear a voice that calls your name, faintly from inside.

The more you listen, the louder you hear.

The easier the climb, as the peak draws near.

You’re going home, though a while it may take.

But you’re determined to give your best, even before you reach.

Irene.

‘Irene’

I know not what was said

To cause the name to resound in my head.

Many a time, it has struck a chord

Many a song’s lyrics have I heard.

‘Irene’

It stands out, I know not what it means.

My heart rests, uneasy.

Wondering further, why this name for me.

I know not why it comes time and again.

‘Peace’

I have now learned.

The Lord rewards each beyond prayers heard.

Irene resounds once again.

No longer is my heart hard to bend.

Curiosity comes to those who ponder.

Mystery behind the name they seek.

To each one, a gift, to cause wonder.

A meaning behind the name, to teach.

‘Irene’