Let In

"Won't you open your heart?
Won't you let someone in?"

"Will I get hurt?
Will I be whole again?"

"I won't promise that you won't.
No one is ever whole."

"I'm broken enough.
I'm not coming."

"Everyone's broken.
Not everyone is unhappy."

"So many pieces?
No shields? No guard?"

"So many more pieces.
Even when protected."

"What's the point of the shattered existence?
Why?"

"To learn
To love."

"Love the shattering?"

"Love the broken perfection."

"How do I see the 'broken perfection'?"

"Look through My eyes."

"I'm scared. I'm scarred. I'm not good enough."

"I never asked you to be. Just let Me in."

My Shadowed Shoes.

Though you wish to walk in my shoes,
I ask you to find your own.
Though they seem inviting,
Remember, they were made in shadows.
My past is mine, and only One knows.
Your path is yours to find.
I ask you to hold my hand,
Walk beside me.
For One, He waits and watches to help.
Let's make shoes for you too, my friend.


Okay, quite literal as well as not I suppose, but this is Day 10 of Joyous June. Any fellow bloggers out there, make use of this opportunity. It's not often someone gives you inspiration and asks you to do whatever creative think you want from it. Hope you feel better Kanika! Thanks for the lovely inspirations :) I really liked this one! <3

Blood and Water.

"So this is a post that I've been trying to make for the past 3 or 4 days..."

      That was the starting line of a post that never got written... And now I'm back in that square wondering why I can't seem to write about what I want to say :\ I even started a small passage in my journal about the same, because apparently it's something I really want to talk about. Okay, so to clue you in on what I'm talking about, have you ever heard the saying, "Blood is thicker than water"? Umm, well, apparently it's a metaphor or something saying that family ties will always be stronger than anything else. And you know what, I agree, but I don't believe that my family is limited to the bloodline I come from.
     You see, I have some people in my life, who are as special to me as anyone in my family has ever been. And that's saying something because I'm yet to know someone who is as fond of their cousins as mine are of each other :)

     And now its been another few days since I restarted the post and the only thing that still makes sense is the title for me.

      See, life is going to throw so many things at me. It wants to knock me down. It wants me to feel like there is no point in anything; like my very existence is pure crap. I won't let it. Because I know that I have a beautiful Creator, who chose me. He made me because He had a plan for me. And no, I'm not saying I'm going to be rich and famous or anything of the sort. I'm saying, that because He loves me, I'll be fine no matter what happens. And I'm so sure because it's when I doubt this that I fall; that I feel like my world could just disintegrate.
     And the thing is, most of the time, I have friends who remind me of this and that's what helps pull me back up. And that is what I believe family is. This support system that God gives us, that we have to draw closer to Him and remind us of His love for us. He tells us that He'll never leave us alone and even if we choose not to remember He's there and lean on Him, He'll give us people to support us.

     So, I don't quite appreciate it when people mock me for who I am, or for my wanting to spend time with my friends over someone I'm related to for the mere fact that "blood is thicker than water". Point is, I don't agree with you. I think each person matters to one another in different ways, and some ties are bonds forever and others are created. But that will never mean the ones created cannot be stronger than the ones that exist by birth.

     I think I managed to sort of get how I feel out right there but not quite sure if its right... But perhaps, it's time to give this post a rest and hope that if I've not said what I want to say in the way it should be said, then it will happen some other day :)

STAY BLESSED. <3

Memories and Love

So a few days ago, I actually cooked a complete meal for a bunch of my friends and apparently they loved it. There was actually a point where I thought at least one person might fall sick, but they all loved it and had a brilliant time. Turns out, I was just psyching myself out. But seriously, that was one of the best days ever! Not because I learnt to cook something new, but because I got to spend a beautiful day with beautiful people doing unexpected things :)
     The day didn't quite start out like I'd planned coz I'd expected people to come in from 11.30 onwards, but it turned out that all of them were able to make it only two hours later :P OOPS! Well, I suppose the best food is the food you wait the most to eat :D Haha! Dessert wasn't really a success but everyone ate heartily anyway coz we mixed the two and made it somewhat perfect :P Biscuit pudding attempt. Not quite like I expected! But, Ah well :D
     Then came the best part of any meal or gathering. The incessant chattering about the whole world :D It's really really fun to keep realising how small the world is when you get together with 6 or 7 people who have a few things in common and keep searching to find more and more. And the more unexpected the findings become :P Seriously! And the laughs and smiles! And btw, these are people who have some incredibly beautiful smiles! You cannot help but smile when you have them around ^.^ <3

    So, we're just chatting and someone suggests that we go to the beach, and so despite the excitement, it takes us a while to get going, but once we're on the road, there's absolutely no stopping us! :D 7 packed into a car, feeling like sardines are better off, we head out on the long-short drive. Music bursting through the doors and drumming our ears, barely able to make out what's being sung unless you know the song, the beach welcomed us with bright sunlight, black sand and big waves that could knock us over without a thought needed.
     We didn't really plan to get wet, but we just walked along, taking pictures with a fancy camera, but not without dear cause! For the more opportunity we have to engrave memories into our brains, the better and how better to do that than with a thousand photos capturing precious moments with each other ^.^ <3
     Walking aimlessly is AWESOME! Honest! I kid you not! All you know is that you're gonna walk in a certain direction with a bunch of people who have pretty much the same idea in their heads! And then you stumble across something that all of you are so enthused by, you can't help but enjoy yourself! Okay okay, so what I actually mean is, it's brilliant that none of us actually had a plan in mind when we got there, coz we just kept watching and a zoomed-in photo told us that there was human life at the top of the lighthouse. And funnily enough, the 7 of us, all of whom have spent somewhere around 15-20 years of their lives in this city, give or take a few, had never been there before. Some of us not even to it's foot.
     And so we had a destination. And it was soooooo worth the climb right upto the top just to sit through the railings, listening to the waves crash, remembering songs, especially, Holy Phantom. Simply beautiful and quite obviously one of the highest points of our existences. :)

     But, you know what, the most beautiful part of it all is to realise that the God who made all this beauty, this wonder that will never cease to blow our minds, made us. Think about it. Every wave has a beat, a rise, a fall, a crash. Even the smallest one whispers to those who are listening. And He, this Maker of All, Artist like no other, made us. Each one. He planned out our every step, knows us inside and out. Because when you create something, if you're doing it with all your heart, then you know it by heart. The potter knows every crack in his crockery.
     It's amazing to see the sun set the sky aflame into a thousand colours that one as primitive as I would deign to simply say it was pink, orange and gold. Painting the water like jewels strewn across the ocean. Wind singing, birds flying high, near and far. And I hear the constant whisper, "I love you more" It can bring you to your knees and down to tears.
    It's funny how we never stop to realise stuff like this, because in my experience, it's the people who do notice such blessings who are the happiest. I want to be one of them, to see all the blessings that my Lord has given me, and to rejoice with all of creation because we have a glorious God and a wonderful Saviour! They make life soooo worth living! <3

Rambling

There have been so many days where I have spent hours and hours in my head throughout the day thinking about things that would be good to write about. But the moment I have my blog page open, I can't remember a thing. The fury I'd felt, the sense of being lost and confused, the joy and sorrow... everything just stops and points to this blank that does not let me write. So I decided, I'd just start somewhere, be it the same topic everyday of how my rambling is just rambling, perhaps this way I may at least learn of some new ways to write it :P
      Today was brilliant. I walked into a room full of people I knew, and felt completely at home and at peace. It was simply delightful. There really is no place like home and I truly believe home is where your heart is and is with whomever you've chosen to share your heart with.
      There are surely moments, though, when people disappoint you. They may ease you into or do it quick and so-called painlessly, but its still going hurt immensely. And it tears you down. And what I've learnt is that broken hearts are like tormenting scars... they will be there forever.
     Over time, I've forgotten how I was hurt, why I chose to forgive, why I chose to detach... but so long as I'm unable to put it behind me, and move on, the scar lives on... Some days it fades... Other days I see it so clearly, it hurts... And then I realise, maybe it was something I did, maybe it was something I said and maybe it wasn't my fault at all. But I was hurt deeply and I don't trust them with my heart again. It really is a fragile thing you know, there are only so many pieces I can give to them, or rather I'm willing to give to them...
      But the thing is, if they hurt you, its their loss. But if you choose to let it get you down, its yours. If someone cannot see what you are worth, who you are... don't bother.
I'm not really quite sure where I'm rambling to at the moment O.o But I think the point of what I'm trying to say is that even if you let situations change you, don't let it be for the worse. Don't let it harden your heart and learn to always be warm despite anything the cruel world throws at you. I know, and am quite truly blessed to be knowing, that it's not the world that decides our worth. It was decided a long long time ago on a tree that died so that another would die on it, because He loved us all.
      It can't be called love if one cannot learn to love like this. Yeah, it hurts sometimes. Maybe a lot of the time. But what comes back to encourage me, is the thought of a world where everyone treats each other with the very same love and respect. Dang, what a world that would be, innit?

Seriously though.

When was the last time any of you had the chance to wake up to silence. And then you slowly realise that you're actually listening to the sound of birds saying good morning.

It's different when you're listening. It's different to hear it anew. It's just different. You can't help but sing a song of worship with them :) <3

Enjoy!

Even when the Clouds Clear

We’ve all had those days where we just drop everything and want to do nothing but give up. We’ve been pushing on so far that life feels like a brick wall that refuses to budge. We’re tired and scared and upset and every thought that rises is one that pulls us down further; and everything within you cries for you to stop trying, begs you to take the first way out of or around it that you can find; any way.

Well, almost everything. If we listen carefully enough, through the despair that thunders through our ears; through the beating of our anguished hearts, we listen. And we hear it, faint and distant. Our voice of hope.

 Psalm 23 is but one example:

“The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in the paths of righteousness 

For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil.

My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me 

All the days of my life 

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord 

Forever.”

Words we are all well acquainted with. And many more that we can recall to encourage ourselves and anyone else who feels as low. But to see them proven, time and again is the beauty of it.

The harder we listen, the louder the words ring; until the ‘whisper through the rain, “I’m with you.”’ echoes around us. The longer we listen, the more our spirits rise. ‘Praising Him in the storm’ becomes not only a joy but the source of our strength to carry on, because our eyes slowly focus on the way He’s made for us and though we thought we’d never find it, He leads us through it.

We’ve all had days where we’ve broken down crying, “I don’t know what to do anymore.” There’s really only one thing to do. Trust that He’s right there, holding on so tightly that no matter how hard things seem, the storm will pass; the clouds will clear. And even when they do, He’s always near. 

Truth.

Stories unfold

Of secrets untold

Meanings understood

And reasons forgotten.

Blind belief

Broken in grief

Claiming to know

The One who sees all.

Sleeping spirit rise

Tell all mankind

Truth is not told

But seen all around.