Place of No Return

A tethered lion.

A road down-hill.
A crumbling shack.
It begins.

Under the canopy,
Darkness chases her.
She runs.
She runs beyond redemption.
She runs to where there is no return.

They gather.
They follow.
She knows not what she runs from.
Misery envelopes her.
Hidden.
Alone.

The lion roars.
Still. Quietened.
None like it before. 
None since, has she seen.

White gold.
Beautiful.
Terrified.
Terrifying.

She sits, broken.
She will not cry.
She rises.
She will not cry.

As she walks away,
She looks back to see the depth.
Those eyes watch her disappear.
Alone.
Unafraid.

Yet, she will never find.
Yet, she cannot but search.
Misery and Peace quarrel
Enveloped is she.

Twenty Tomorrow

So, well, nothing surprising here :) Twenty tomorrow is obvious enough :")
But this post is about much much more.
I'm just really really happy right now. And Oh SO Thankful to God for His brilliance. I mean, like, I can't even put it into words. I'm just sitting here thinking of my life and how it's been so far. Yeah, I can see all those tears and stupidity and blah stuff. But then that's like just one miniscule part of my being. There are so many memories and people that come flooding in and it amazes me how I've met so many of them. So many stories and I'm telling you, He's planned it SO perfectly. I wouldn't change a thing! And He's taken me through so much and changed me so much. I just want to sit and smile and be like, I wish my smile could speak and it would just be telling the world that HE MADE ME. HE KNOWS MY NAME. HE CHOSE ME. HE LOVES ME. And this smile, is HIS. I am HIS.

I'm looking around and all I'm seeing is beauty. I mean seriously, this world is so beautiful. VERY MUCH! And to think, that Someone, who made ALL that, made me too and cares about me.
Jesus Loves Me. And He Loves you! *mindblown*

So this one's for you Lord, as is everything else I do, I hope. But I don't want to ever go into a year without You. I want You in my every moment. I want to reflect You in my every breathe. I'm looking forward to spending all that time by Your side, like never EVER before!

I know "Thank You" will never be enough but still, "Thank YOU!"
I'm singing out to You. Singing "Hallelujah" :)
Daddy God, You're the best. <3

Frustrated

Ugh! This scene keeps playing and replaying in my head!
So I was practically begging my teacher to give us an assignment that would require us to learn something and still be fun rather than parroting words as the present 'dialogue' assignment worked -.- Not to mention that it was the same assignment we'd done a few months back for the other internal assessment we gave in to the same teacher O.o SAME! Topic changed, that's it O.o
And she tells me that I ought to "Come join the *other institute specialising in this*" if I want to learn O.o

Um, what am I supposed to do here as part of my curriculum, in HER classes???

Further on in the conversation. She goes, "You got good marks already, why are you complaining?" "Ma'am because I'd like to at least put in a good effort to try and get the assignment changed into something of interest so that I actually learn something, we actually learn something and we all participate rather than a few writing and the others vomiting it out. Internals are usually fun!" She agrees with me that it's boring and pretty pointless. I'm not kidding. And then she goes, "Are you jealous of the *students whose mother tongue is this that I've opted for* because they did better than you?"

No words to respond. Goodbye -.- Meh! Seriously!

September 19.

It's my Appacha's birthday today :) He's 85 as of today. I'm ever thankful to God for blessing me with him. No one has a grandad like mine. The liberties we take with him are exceptional as is his exceptional heart. I have learnt much from him. Here's hoping he has a BRILLIANT day with all his grandkids who are there -.- And I will try to be all nice about it just for his happiness. :D I love you Appacha!! ♥ Have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Us lot are missing you here!

Happy Birthday Nitya Susan Verghese, you tall, gangly goof! God bless you! There's never a dull moment when you're around and you always get me to laugh until my sides hurt. Much much much love!

Lost In Translation

Okay, so here it is. LOST IN TRANSLATION. Do me a favour and open this link, let the track start and then read through the story, 'cause it really isn't complete without the background. Preferably plug your earphones in!

Sometimes a story is but a reflection of your own life; other times, it’s the thoughts that you have; but most often it’s your thoughts mixed with those stories you’ve heard time and again but you still can’t make sense of.

...................................................................................................................................................................

“Won’t you come sit with me for a while?”

“But I am. I’m sitting right here.”

“Well, that’s the irony of us. You’re sitting right here with me in the room, but your head most certainly isn’t here. You work too much.”

“I’m being productive. I’m listening to you aren’t I?

“Yeah, you are. But do you hear the rain?”

“The rain? Are you sure you didn’t hit your head this morning when you got out of bed?”

“Can you hear the fire?”

“The fire now? Are you okay?”

“Come sit here, on the window seat; just listen. Leave those papers and your muddled thoughts there.”

“What are you on about?”

“Just humour me for a few minutes.”

“But I’ve really got to finish this up. How come you don’t have any work?”

“I’ll get around to it. It’s mulling quietly in my brain. I always get my work done, don’t I?

“You know, that annoys me. You don’t stress half as much as I do and you still do just as well as if not better. When do you even work?”

“That’s because I know when to sit down and focus and not to let things stress me out all the time. Try my way for a change. It’s not as if you’re getting any work done anyway. I’m pretty sure all that ruffling I’ve been hearing is just you getting flustered more than anything else.”

“Fine. Tell me what you want to say. Out with it.”

“Who said I want to say anything?”

“Then what are you fussing about?!”

“I just want you to listen. Take a breath and just listen.”

“But if you’re not going to be talking, then what’s the point of listening?”

“Shush now. Close your eyes.”

“Okay, now I’m blind and listening to you not talking.”

“You still don’t get the point. Do you even realize it’s raining outside?”

“Yeah, so? What’s the big deal?”

“Did you realize I’ve had the fireplace lit for the past hour?”

“Now what does the fireplace have to do anything?”

“And that tells me you haven’t heard a word I’ve said. Try and listen to it, not just faintly realize that there’s music playing and leave the noises beyond human voices at that.”

“But what am I even listening to?”

“You’re not listening yet. When you hear it, you’ll tell me.”

“But…”

“Shush… Listen to the sound of silence as you see it.”

“Listen to each drop that hits the window sill, the ones that touch the glass – each flicker of the flame because of the wind stealing down the chimney and the burst of the wood as it’s consumed.”

“Umm, are you still awake?”

“I’m not quite sure if it was your poetry or the rain that took me away.”

“Hah! I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my talking. What did you hear?”

“Everything. The wind chimes next door even. The rain is gorgeous to listen to. And the fire just enhances it. It’s like they’re all playing to one rhythm.”

“Well, they are. It’s not just all chaos you know. You’d think a storm would be chaotic to listen to, but even then, there’s an orchestra in the wind. It’s amazing isn’t it?”

“I must admit, I do feel more relaxed than I have in the past half an hour I’ve spent with those papers not getting anywhere.”

“You really ought to give yourself a break sometimes. The sound of silence tends to take you out of your mind at least for some time; or at least gives you an illusion of getting you out of it.”

“I guess I really need to stop and listen sometimes. How come none of this registers in my brain otherwise?”

“It’s not that it doesn’t register, it’s just that we don’t prioritize. Most often, such beauty is overlooked just because it’s lost in translation.”

“Lost in translation?”

“We judge based on an idea of it that we have. Take the rain. The first things most people think of are how wet it’s going to be and how disruptive it may be or they’re a little more on the romantic side, then how it just makes everything prettier and lovelier. But the sound of the rain; that music.”

“I see now. Interesting. How much do we really lose in translation?”

Prelude to Lost in Translation

So somewhere along the course of all that blogging I didn't do, I've been mulling over many things to write about. One of them is the topic Lost in Translation. Now, I can think of several things that this could mean, but more than anything I think this most aptly describes me and how I talk to people :| Everything seems to be lost in the translation from thought to brain to speech. But Imma put up my latest Lost in Translation piece soon. As soon as it's done being graded and no longer has to be ungooglable. Somehow I can't picture them listening to reason that this actually is my account and that actually is my original story coz I'm the same person who submitted it!
Ah well, we'll see when it comes out, but keep an eye out for it!
Perhaps I should get back into writing on my blog! Who agrees?

Stories.

There are three kinds of stories I can think of at the moment.

1) True Stories : Those stories of people who have done great things. They've persevered and won battles that most of us can barely even imagine. They earn respect just because they are who they are. They inspire. They're beautiful. These are the ones they make into Hallmark Channel Originals and whatnot :) The others in this group are the ones you tell your best friends - your wonderful idiocies, the beauty in your life, things you couldn't possibly even dream of sharing with anyone who doesn't know you like they know themselves. Or something like that. But basically, my point is. It's all true. Every minute of it that causes pain and joy.

2) Pure Fiction : These are the stories that have immense potential. They can go any direction you want them to. You can fly and breathe under water. Anything your heart can imagine. They can even just be embellished versions of your true stories. They make really good entertainment.

3) Stories from Imbeciles : These are the ones spun by those brilliant imbeciles who like to believe that something's true and want to convince everyone around that it is true. They never benefit anyone. -.- Lol, not worth the time. Not worth the wait. Move on and hurry past, because getting caught in this will just mess with your head so bad you want to pull it off :P

I think I've put them pretty simply for everyone :D It's fun to make lists. Lol, if only I was more organised in classifying other stuff! :D Give me some pointers if you can think of them. Feel free!

Enjoy this one ^.^ It's been a while since I've heard it :D It's a good one to sing when you feel like everyone's trying to pull you down. Much love! Stay connected!

Third Day - Eagles

-.-

Isn't it funny how when you have so many people giving you an opportunity to write everyday almost forcefully and you really really don't want to write.

Hmm...

Been on a bit of a downslide in the writing department of late. The most writing I've done is copying references text from a book to my notebook. Meh -.-
Will get back when I get back despite the fact that I'm supposed to be keeping a literary journal... I don't even know where to start. Sigh...

College. Again. Uni This Time Though.

So, I'm in University now... Hmmmmm.... Lol, still feel the same and yet I feel soooo different.
1) I'm actually looking forward to getting into everything we'll be learning.
2) I'm finally going to be reading Jane Austen and Shakespeare and the likes. Seriously, it's high time and I love the fact that I'm going to be reading and analysing and everything because I'll have no other choice and it's just perfect. Because I want to READ THEM!. Like I said, HIGH TIME!
3) Christ University's campus is just amazing. And I've barely seen it yet. But so far, my favourite place is under the trees where the wind blows beautifully :D :D :D I wonder if I'll feel the same 3 months from now when it gets colder...
4) Lonely Loner that I am :P That's my bro's name for me. I don't think I'm that much of a loner though.
5) Mallu Central! Seriously, I've been there 2 days, and every 3rd person or so has been a Malayalee. And as a matter of fact, there are groups of 3-4 Mallus sitting everywhere :P Especially under the trees where I like to sit and read... They flock together, seniors mostly, but still. I'm intrigued that I manage to find them. Lol. Not that I ever say anything though...
6) I'm singing, ALL THE TIME! :D And I love it! Dunno what it has to do with Uni though :P

In other news,
1. This little kid, barely 2 feet tall walked up in front of my bike today and just put out his hand. And this is where I'm barely able to manage the Activa coz my mum's on it with me, and I've not ridden in over a month especially not with a pillion since I dropped my wallet and took Ru for a ride. Not easy -.- I had no words for the child. Just sadness that the indiscipline of our ancestors is still being handed down through us to the lovely little ones that grace the world :( Sigh...
2. Had an interview for class-rep. Idk but somehow, I don't feel quite comfortable being responsible for other people anymore. Sigh... I used to be nice that way. But after 16, 98 classmates just seemed like I might be asking to blow up.

"Lord, give me grace for this new beginning to shine like a beacon to Your glory." :)
My prayer for the day. Much love and have fun. See ya when I post again :D (hopes there's someone out there) 

My Shadowed Shoes.

Though you wish to walk in my shoes,
I ask you to find your own.
Though they seem inviting,
Remember, they were made in shadows.
My past is mine, and only One knows.
Your path is yours to find.
I ask you to hold my hand,
Walk beside me.
For One, He waits and watches to help.
Let's make shoes for you too, my friend.


Okay, quite literal as well as not I suppose, but this is Day 10 of Joyous June. Any fellow bloggers out there, make use of this opportunity. It's not often someone gives you inspiration and asks you to do whatever creative think you want from it. Hope you feel better Kanika! Thanks for the lovely inspirations :) I really liked this one! <3

Changed.

CHANGE. I sometimes think this is the most difficult word I've ever come across. It's certainly one of the most unpleasant a lot of times. But in the end, it's sort of ridiculous how there's absolutely nothing we can do but accept it, because life always ends up turning out the right way if we do and turning into a big mess whenever we try to resist it :|

     My dear uncle was just telling me how fast we're all growing up. And he's right you know, Joe'll be 16 in 3 months, Mike, 18 in 4 and Imma be 20 in 5?! Seriously, when the heck did we grow so big?! But you know what, I don't feel 20, I don't remember this being what it felt like to be 20 when I imagined it when I thought of someday being 20... I mean like, when I was a kid, maybe what, 5 or 6, there used to be 20-year olds in our house all the time, and I don't really remember imagining myself to grow up into someone like them... I don't think I could quite think that far at that age. Considering, I clearly recall answering a, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question with, "A nurse." Clearly, a lot has changed since then! :P

    I suppose, I was just being a little child then, but when do we actually change from being a little kid who doesn't know much to the billions of different people we are in this world? I mean, considering how much we resist change, it slips in ever so cunningly, innit? Did we ever really notice when we stopped wanting to do something because someone said don't. Did we ever really think about it, when our teachers said do? We just changed as the tide washed over us. I'd say it's a good thing because the smoothest pebbles are found washed in the river. But that doesn't mean we gotta be pebbles and not do anything but take it does it? Think about it? Lemme know :) <3

I tell you, I sure didn't notice a lot of things that changed about me until I looked back on them.

Good night!

Somewhere Along The Way... We Changed...

Okay, so this is not something I really planned to write nor has it been on my mind for a long long while... Well, it hasn't been dominant anyway, nor has it been dormant. But this one is specifically inspired by Kanika's Joyous June thing, I don't quite know what to call it, but she keeps giving out inspirations everyday and it's pretty cool stuff that she finds :D I like! I wasn't quite sure I could participate in writing nor did I have the time back in Trivandrum because I was a little too busy trying to spend as much time with my dearest as possible ^.^ <3 Sorry Kanika!!!! But I think what you're doing is awesome!!! Yesh! I do!!!

      So, coming back to the task at hand. Somewhere along the way, we changed...

It was pleasant sometimes to change, and other times it was just hard. It wasn't the simplest task to give up habits that we were rooted into. And I think every new person you meet is a new root that you get yours intertwined with. So here's my letter to someone I once knew.

Dear Once-known,
      It was splendid knowing you, and I must admit, you changed me, for the better of course. But I'm sorry to say, somewhere along the way, we changed. Our friendship changed. And I'm sorry I didn't stick on. I'm sorry we fell apart. But I did then and even now refuse to be dragged down the path you went. It was a path that I saw led to trouble, and I wasn't willing to go. And in return for asking you to walk with me, I was rewarded with deceit. No, its okay, I don't quite mind. I've learnt to come to forgive you. But you lost me that day. You lost my trust. I would've stayed you know, I would've been there if you'd just bothered to tell me you wanted me to stay. But it turned out, you didn't. You were happier with me being out of it. Even when I asked, even when I tried to hold on. I felt you letting go. I will not regret our friendship. No, I'm truly thankful for having known you, as short as the time may have been. But, somewhere along the way, we changed, and it was time for you to be you and me to be me. I hope you'll be happy. Always. Keep smiling. And I want you to know, that I'll be your friend again if you need it, but it won't really be the same. It will be awkward and it will be strained, because it will take me time to even want it again. But don't be sorry or remorseful or anything. Just know that, I was really your friend. And none of what I'd said was pretend. It's just somewhere along the way, we changed.
Always,
D

Blood and Water.

"So this is a post that I've been trying to make for the past 3 or 4 days..."

      That was the starting line of a post that never got written... And now I'm back in that square wondering why I can't seem to write about what I want to say :\ I even started a small passage in my journal about the same, because apparently it's something I really want to talk about. Okay, so to clue you in on what I'm talking about, have you ever heard the saying, "Blood is thicker than water"? Umm, well, apparently it's a metaphor or something saying that family ties will always be stronger than anything else. And you know what, I agree, but I don't believe that my family is limited to the bloodline I come from.
     You see, I have some people in my life, who are as special to me as anyone in my family has ever been. And that's saying something because I'm yet to know someone who is as fond of their cousins as mine are of each other :)

     And now its been another few days since I restarted the post and the only thing that still makes sense is the title for me.

      See, life is going to throw so many things at me. It wants to knock me down. It wants me to feel like there is no point in anything; like my very existence is pure crap. I won't let it. Because I know that I have a beautiful Creator, who chose me. He made me because He had a plan for me. And no, I'm not saying I'm going to be rich and famous or anything of the sort. I'm saying, that because He loves me, I'll be fine no matter what happens. And I'm so sure because it's when I doubt this that I fall; that I feel like my world could just disintegrate.
     And the thing is, most of the time, I have friends who remind me of this and that's what helps pull me back up. And that is what I believe family is. This support system that God gives us, that we have to draw closer to Him and remind us of His love for us. He tells us that He'll never leave us alone and even if we choose not to remember He's there and lean on Him, He'll give us people to support us.

     So, I don't quite appreciate it when people mock me for who I am, or for my wanting to spend time with my friends over someone I'm related to for the mere fact that "blood is thicker than water". Point is, I don't agree with you. I think each person matters to one another in different ways, and some ties are bonds forever and others are created. But that will never mean the ones created cannot be stronger than the ones that exist by birth.

     I think I managed to sort of get how I feel out right there but not quite sure if its right... But perhaps, it's time to give this post a rest and hope that if I've not said what I want to say in the way it should be said, then it will happen some other day :)

STAY BLESSED. <3

Memories and Love

So a few days ago, I actually cooked a complete meal for a bunch of my friends and apparently they loved it. There was actually a point where I thought at least one person might fall sick, but they all loved it and had a brilliant time. Turns out, I was just psyching myself out. But seriously, that was one of the best days ever! Not because I learnt to cook something new, but because I got to spend a beautiful day with beautiful people doing unexpected things :)
     The day didn't quite start out like I'd planned coz I'd expected people to come in from 11.30 onwards, but it turned out that all of them were able to make it only two hours later :P OOPS! Well, I suppose the best food is the food you wait the most to eat :D Haha! Dessert wasn't really a success but everyone ate heartily anyway coz we mixed the two and made it somewhat perfect :P Biscuit pudding attempt. Not quite like I expected! But, Ah well :D
     Then came the best part of any meal or gathering. The incessant chattering about the whole world :D It's really really fun to keep realising how small the world is when you get together with 6 or 7 people who have a few things in common and keep searching to find more and more. And the more unexpected the findings become :P Seriously! And the laughs and smiles! And btw, these are people who have some incredibly beautiful smiles! You cannot help but smile when you have them around ^.^ <3

    So, we're just chatting and someone suggests that we go to the beach, and so despite the excitement, it takes us a while to get going, but once we're on the road, there's absolutely no stopping us! :D 7 packed into a car, feeling like sardines are better off, we head out on the long-short drive. Music bursting through the doors and drumming our ears, barely able to make out what's being sung unless you know the song, the beach welcomed us with bright sunlight, black sand and big waves that could knock us over without a thought needed.
     We didn't really plan to get wet, but we just walked along, taking pictures with a fancy camera, but not without dear cause! For the more opportunity we have to engrave memories into our brains, the better and how better to do that than with a thousand photos capturing precious moments with each other ^.^ <3
     Walking aimlessly is AWESOME! Honest! I kid you not! All you know is that you're gonna walk in a certain direction with a bunch of people who have pretty much the same idea in their heads! And then you stumble across something that all of you are so enthused by, you can't help but enjoy yourself! Okay okay, so what I actually mean is, it's brilliant that none of us actually had a plan in mind when we got there, coz we just kept watching and a zoomed-in photo told us that there was human life at the top of the lighthouse. And funnily enough, the 7 of us, all of whom have spent somewhere around 15-20 years of their lives in this city, give or take a few, had never been there before. Some of us not even to it's foot.
     And so we had a destination. And it was soooooo worth the climb right upto the top just to sit through the railings, listening to the waves crash, remembering songs, especially, Holy Phantom. Simply beautiful and quite obviously one of the highest points of our existences. :)

     But, you know what, the most beautiful part of it all is to realise that the God who made all this beauty, this wonder that will never cease to blow our minds, made us. Think about it. Every wave has a beat, a rise, a fall, a crash. Even the smallest one whispers to those who are listening. And He, this Maker of All, Artist like no other, made us. Each one. He planned out our every step, knows us inside and out. Because when you create something, if you're doing it with all your heart, then you know it by heart. The potter knows every crack in his crockery.
     It's amazing to see the sun set the sky aflame into a thousand colours that one as primitive as I would deign to simply say it was pink, orange and gold. Painting the water like jewels strewn across the ocean. Wind singing, birds flying high, near and far. And I hear the constant whisper, "I love you more" It can bring you to your knees and down to tears.
    It's funny how we never stop to realise stuff like this, because in my experience, it's the people who do notice such blessings who are the happiest. I want to be one of them, to see all the blessings that my Lord has given me, and to rejoice with all of creation because we have a glorious God and a wonderful Saviour! They make life soooo worth living! <3

Jobless

It was about 3 in the morning and my bro was awake too, ie no watching movies online coz the streaming interrupts his DOTA game... It's been bothering me or inspiring me that people have made really nice collages and put them up as their cover photos on facebook... I wanted one too. So I suppose I was productive with this, but then again, making stuff for Facebook I suppose is the least productive one can get. Although, I must admit, it's not half bad. :P

I'm not very creative with my titles am I?

So, a girl I love muchly told me that she likes and reads my blog often, and that I should write longer posts coz otherwise the reading gets over too fast. She knows who she is. I felt so good so I ought to thank her. But the thing is, I haven't really written a long post since then. I don't quite know why, but I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I don't know what to write about. For example, I didn't even know how to title this post :P
       I can't particularly make up humorous lists like desigirl here. That's a talent I truly admire her for... She's one of the few writers who have actually made me laugh out loud. I thoroughly enjoy reading her posts and often wish they were longer or came more often just so I could read more and laugh more. Laughing is good for the health you know? :D
       So basically, I wanted to apologise to the one I've possibly disappointed. I feel bad about it. But I do also think that I'm generally tired by the end of the day coz my holidays are awesome! And I just don't want to think :P
      Oh, you know what, there is this one post, that I've been working on for the past week or two, but it just doens't seem to want to come out of my head completely. Phrasing it feels sooooooo difficult!! -.- Hopefully someday soon, it'll be out. I think I have something solid to say there, whether it matters to anyone or not! It's truly important to me. It's about family ^.^ Keep an eye out for it. It's called Blood and Water :)
     And in the meanwhile, keep praying that I'm inspired to write more. I truly do wish I did write more :) <3 Have a beautiful day!! I have the beach in my future today, God willing, and I'm thoroughly looking forward to it! ^.^ With two people I truly look forward to spending time with :) Trust me, you would too! They make you laugh so so much :D Peace!

:|

I'm quite disappointed in myself at the moment :/ Today was one of those perfect days that I ruined because I forgot something :/ Now I can hear a lot of you going, "Oh come on, everybody forgets something all the time." Thing is, when I forget, its always a major major something. Always :/ And the worst times are when its not even my stuff that I forget :(

I miss you :(

There's this boy. He's about 10. I've known him since the day he was born. I love him oh so much. God picked the perfect angel for me :) No wonder we know He's so perfect. But, at the moment, I miss him like crazy! :(

Rambling

There have been so many days where I have spent hours and hours in my head throughout the day thinking about things that would be good to write about. But the moment I have my blog page open, I can't remember a thing. The fury I'd felt, the sense of being lost and confused, the joy and sorrow... everything just stops and points to this blank that does not let me write. So I decided, I'd just start somewhere, be it the same topic everyday of how my rambling is just rambling, perhaps this way I may at least learn of some new ways to write it :P
      Today was brilliant. I walked into a room full of people I knew, and felt completely at home and at peace. It was simply delightful. There really is no place like home and I truly believe home is where your heart is and is with whomever you've chosen to share your heart with.
      There are surely moments, though, when people disappoint you. They may ease you into or do it quick and so-called painlessly, but its still going hurt immensely. And it tears you down. And what I've learnt is that broken hearts are like tormenting scars... they will be there forever.
     Over time, I've forgotten how I was hurt, why I chose to forgive, why I chose to detach... but so long as I'm unable to put it behind me, and move on, the scar lives on... Some days it fades... Other days I see it so clearly, it hurts... And then I realise, maybe it was something I did, maybe it was something I said and maybe it wasn't my fault at all. But I was hurt deeply and I don't trust them with my heart again. It really is a fragile thing you know, there are only so many pieces I can give to them, or rather I'm willing to give to them...
      But the thing is, if they hurt you, its their loss. But if you choose to let it get you down, its yours. If someone cannot see what you are worth, who you are... don't bother.
I'm not really quite sure where I'm rambling to at the moment O.o But I think the point of what I'm trying to say is that even if you let situations change you, don't let it be for the worse. Don't let it harden your heart and learn to always be warm despite anything the cruel world throws at you. I know, and am quite truly blessed to be knowing, that it's not the world that decides our worth. It was decided a long long time ago on a tree that died so that another would die on it, because He loved us all.
      It can't be called love if one cannot learn to love like this. Yeah, it hurts sometimes. Maybe a lot of the time. But what comes back to encourage me, is the thought of a world where everyone treats each other with the very same love and respect. Dang, what a world that would be, innit?

Gah!

Have you ever had those days where you wish people would just stop making up unecessary issues and just give you a straight reason for saying or doing something or not letting you do something?

Have you ever had those days when you feel all technology is against you? -.- All the time?

Have you ever had those days when nothing's worth starting because all you really want to do is nothing because you don't feel yourself?

Have you ever had those days when you want to go out an do something great but you're too used to brooding away in a quiet corner?

FORGET THEM ALL.

Remember those days when you did go out with a bunch of friends and goofed around? Maybe danced a jig or sang a silly song?

Those days when you played with that special little boy, singing nursery rhymes and action songs and were simply ecstatic to be who you are and blessed to be with the ones you love.

Those days your cousins and you drove down to the beach and ate ice cream as the wind whispered songs of praise that everything within you responded to immediately in rejoicing to.

REMEMBER THEM.

Hold onto them. Cherish them. Love them. Grow.

Dear Daughter

A must read of a brilliant thought in simple words that brightens one's day and reminds one of the simplest thing we all must remember :) Vanya Rachel, the author of this brilliant article, has captured it beautifully and I encourage all wanderers through my blog to read it :) <3

Parallel Voices

Have you ever had those days or even moments where there are so many ridiculous voices in your head that all you want to do is scream!?!

No?

Really?

Then, I am going crazy?! :|

Oh brilliant, isn't that just what I needed.
   

I really don't like it when so many voices say so many different things whether any of it is relevant to the present situation or naught. 

Seriously though.

When was the last time any of you had the chance to wake up to silence. And then you slowly realise that you're actually listening to the sound of birds saying good morning.

It's different when you're listening. It's different to hear it anew. It's just different. You can't help but sing a song of worship with them :) <3

Enjoy!

Reminiscing...

Everytime I come back here, I reminisce on days that I used to love being here... I still do... Until some things come up that people just won't let go. I mean seriously, NONE of your business. Just let it go... Ah well :) Life goes on, I'll be home soon. :P But, you'll always be family and I'll still always love you. Just don't think I can handle more than two days of the same topics arising which really have no point in being brought up.

Even when the Clouds Clear

We’ve all had those days where we just drop everything and want to do nothing but give up. We’ve been pushing on so far that life feels like a brick wall that refuses to budge. We’re tired and scared and upset and every thought that rises is one that pulls us down further; and everything within you cries for you to stop trying, begs you to take the first way out of or around it that you can find; any way.

Well, almost everything. If we listen carefully enough, through the despair that thunders through our ears; through the beating of our anguished hearts, we listen. And we hear it, faint and distant. Our voice of hope.

 Psalm 23 is but one example:

“The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in the paths of righteousness 

For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil.

My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me 

All the days of my life 

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord 

Forever.”

Words we are all well acquainted with. And many more that we can recall to encourage ourselves and anyone else who feels as low. But to see them proven, time and again is the beauty of it.

The harder we listen, the louder the words ring; until the ‘whisper through the rain, “I’m with you.”’ echoes around us. The longer we listen, the more our spirits rise. ‘Praising Him in the storm’ becomes not only a joy but the source of our strength to carry on, because our eyes slowly focus on the way He’s made for us and though we thought we’d never find it, He leads us through it.

We’ve all had days where we’ve broken down crying, “I don’t know what to do anymore.” There’s really only one thing to do. Trust that He’s right there, holding on so tightly that no matter how hard things seem, the storm will pass; the clouds will clear. And even when they do, He’s always near. 

To write.

So I've been asked to write an article for the YFC newsletter. I don't quite know why she asked me, but now I need to write it. And I really don't know where to even start. Thing is, being a believer and a writer both, ought I not be able to write this? Sincerely clueless here right now. Praying for wisdom :) 

Chocolate.

I just ate Snickers! And I'm just wondering out loud... So you don't necessarily need to give me an answer... But!

Is chocolate tempered differently for different countries so that it may stay a certain consistency in said climate?

I hope you lot had as good a day as I did :) Coz I doubt it could have been better :) Much love!

(PS. This is my feeble attempt at making a short post, just to prove to myself that it's possible.)
[*Forcibly restrains self from typing further]

Monday! Monday? Monday... Didn't seem like it :D

So, today I spent the day with two awesome people! I always feel smarter in some way or the other when I've spent the day with them and mostly I learn something new about music :D I honestly have absolutely no bloomin' clue as to how they put up with someone as uninformed as I am. Trust me, if my life were a movie, them and me would not be in the same clique :| It just wouldn't be done! But guess what!? We're not in a movie and I have to thank that incredible, wonderful, indescribable God who blessed me with friends like these :D Seriously, there's no one like HIM <3 ^.^ If you knew them like I do, you'd be insanely thankful too. Trust me on that.

     Hmmm... But there was one piece of wisdom they stumbled me across today that cannot compare to anything else and said "wisdom", trust me, was not their's. It comes from a great American mind by the name of Rebecca Black who seems to think many ought to have fallen at her feet in worship when her song "Friday" was released. Yeah, fat chance of me linking you to that, I will not obligingly enforce torture of such propensity on my kind readers. :D But this new information that brought me to tears, I must share. She analysed her lyrics so that the world could see how much they missed out on when they refused to accept her music as a 'work of art' or something like that. (CAUTION: Watch at own risk.)

     After the song came out, there were so many people talking about it, but me, being me, never bothered to look it up because pop culture, being pop culture, would manage its way into my life at some point >.< And boy, was I glad I didn't. But this analysis was mind-blowing. Much applause to the 'superior intellect' of Ms. Black. Really, what would the world be without her. (*whispers under breath, "MUCH BETTER")

     Sigh! Hmm... I think I got that out of my system now. Hopefully. Blah! Seriously, if you're not as moved as I was. TO PUNCH HER FACE IN. Then do let me know. I would like some of whatever you've been taking to ease your sharp senses. Or maybe you should let her know so she can pretend someone believes her words.

     Okay okay, moving on!

     THE WOMAN IN BLACK. Now, that's something to talk about. I have no clue how to feel about the movie. You know how when you watch a movie and you want the best for the 'hero'? Umm, well, I just didn't know how to size up what happens! Lol! Seriously, it's incredible though. The minimal soundscape, the videography of the English lanscape, the spooky house, the effects, the story... EVERYTHING worked. It works to creep you out slowly and take you level by level into the creepiness. It makes you jump. Makes you want to cry and say, "No, no, no, no, come on, don't let him die! Don't kill him! Let him save her!! Please!" Although, you never really know whom you're pleading to, nor do you know if you actually feel like you're there because you keep reminding yourself its a movie. Hmm, I agree with the three who insisted me watching it :D Although I must say it was quite amusing hearing stories of how they'd watched it their first times :P But, what happened to the dog!! It disappeared :( I think my biggest fear was that the dog would show up mutilated to bits :| Not a pleasant thought, trust me!

Meh -.- I talk to much... Hmm, I'm good, thanks for asking! Have fun with the rest of your day! <3

From Scratch.

Meh. I doubt any of you thought I'm talking about that animation software so I'm not going to bother saying, "No, I don't mean that..." So... Helloo :P I'm lost O.o Little obvious, I suppose :P

    From Scratch just means that I want to actually start again, and make this blog, however bland anyone thinks it is, more than just a backup of my poetry. It means, umm, well I think it means that I'm turning over a new leaf and am going to make each post mean something, if to no one else, at least to me. I'm probably not going to have a particular theme in mind when I start typing, or I may start with one and end up somewhere completely different in my rambles. But, what I do is what I do and I suppose, someone may read it :)

     I have to admit though, I probably wouldn't be writing this if Li'l Joe hadn't started hers and told me I ought to start one myself. She's extra brilliant and ridiculously hilarious. So do not expect the same standards or style :P I'm just the humble writer testing the waters :P But thanks for the push (*coughs* 'gentle nudge') hon. :) <3

     My brother is sitting next to me playing songs like Diamond sword, if that can be called a song, making this first post of my new square one phase of my blog more difficult than it already is O.o I'd advise you not to look it up, but if you're curious, feed it. Or just wait till you meet my brilliant bro someday in person. He's the kind of guy who writes poetry because someone couldn't sleep and needed a bedtime story! Seriously! Check his blog out. You'll catch a glimpse of his personality :D

    So, I have no clue where to start or what to say, so Imma say, I recently read another book of the Redwall series and it made me very happy! I love how Brian Jacques has managed to adapt the English language into a peculiar form for each kind of animal. Oh wait, I probably should have mentioned the brilliance in the big RED Bricked building that's a sanctuary for all good creatures, just out of reach from vermin hands. You don't like it? You think its boring? I think it serves the purpose reading has always had for me. 

     It takes me to a world that isn't the one I live in. A world where I know good will prevail. Where it doesn't feel like everything's always falling apart. I love that each Redwaller is obligated to himself to be kind and loving and helpful and that's what is expected not excellence in a particular walk of life but to be part of the community, to love and be one and and... I'm rambling but I hope you sort of get the point.

I can completely relate to this, it's how I feel when I'm around my besties... Like we can be from Mars and Pluto and still be the best of friends. I'd wish this for anyone and everyone. It's a wonderful feeling ^.^ <3 

    But back to the point, that's what reading's about to me you know, the happy endings and the feeling that things don't have to stay the way they do in the cruel world. I mean come on! If a bunch of animals from all walks of life can manage to get along and live in harmony, shouldn't the so called "higher species" be able to do the same? (I don't technically believe the higher species bit though)

    I think I had a point in there somewhere... If I figure out how to stop rambling, I'll let you lot know :D For now, I'mma say goodnight. Stay blessed coz we all are ^.^

Hmm. An end and a start? O.o Figure it out.

So, I spent 6 months as a part of Shadow Liberation and this is just the tip of all the things I would have liked to say and even more things I probably wouldn't have liked to say unless you forcibly pulled it out of me with hours of redundant questions that seem to go nowhere but lead to me actually saying stuff :P 2 minutes for a reflective video O.o People say I write too much anyway, apparently reading is a dying artform... Sigh, anyway, I managed to get a gist of what I was feeling when I made this, but trust me when I say, TIP OF THE ICEBERG :P

Not much of a blogger here, but my first not poem post. Yay me?! :P Maybe I should actually start. But then what would I possibly say?

Wait. FAIL. The video contains a mound of poetry -.- Try again Danie. Meh. Sigh, but I suppose its still a step further from all those poems you read (supposing you've read any) when I actually seem like I'm talking to you :D Tatas!

To Battle

Warrior, hear the battle call.

Your time has come.

Fire arms may bring you down.

But your honour will live on.

Broken-hearted maidens watch

The army marches by.

Songs sung of comfort lost

Embracing the last lullabye.

Little lads run along beside.

Their fathers barely known.

Metal clanking, armour clad.

Echoes of laments true.

Flags of mourning flying high.

The villagers each spare a sigh

Homes, cattle, farmland left behind.

A cloud of dust the only sight.

Bursts of sorrow and painful melodies

Amidst them one of hope regained.

“They’ll be back soon”, her voice strong.

“As sure as the sun will rise.”

Harsh words for silence announced.

“You know not the future.”

But she penetrates the heavy cloud

Feather weight, the intruder.

Hope sown, hope never known.

Song of a grand return.

Marching soldiers, trudging on.

Ears perked in wonder.

Listen. Remember.

A day of joy to come.

Spirits rise to battle to go.

Hoping soon to be back.

Sorrowful hearts, ablaze anew.

War meaningless once more.

Families looking forward to

Being whole again.

Well Worth the Task.

She watches and waits.

Days pass away.

Mind weak and tumultous.

Thoughts out of control.

Left to despair

With anger brimming over.

Answers to "why's"

Are too cold to give.

Born in a time of trust going rotten,

Lies being told like the wind and the water.

Waves crash against her.

As she stands knee deep.

Though provoking action.

To live or escape.

Forgotten soul, not forgotten. 

Competing voices in her head. 

Images blurring the horizon. 

The wind convincing her to live.

Why she stays, she knows not.

But she will not go before time.

Purpose planned she knows not.

But well versed she is, to not whine.

Love, it fills her desperate soul.

As love heals her heart.

Opening up, though difficult.

Love's well worth the task.

Why ShadyLib

What is ShadyLib?

Eva

Eva knew not the time of day

Eva had somehow lost her way

But Eva knew not to worry or fuss

Because Eva was never to be left in the dust.

Eva smiles, “I’ll be home soon.”

“How long will you roam, awaiting doom?”

Others would question her sanity so.

But Eva goes on. Never alone.

Musicman

The music box opens

The faint melody floats lightly

Growing louder in her ears

But for a moment, she sways.

The little girl lifts her head.

Her hair flies out of her face.

The music glistens in her eyes

It means more than the lovely sounds.

Every spin of a chord,

Every note and charming bell

Tinkling sounds amuse her.

Make her breath swell.

The glimmer of hope

Amidst the dark tale of doom

Was all she needed

To notice light through the gloom.

Foes forgotten, fate flimsy no more

She sees the glow of the friend, sought for.

The music reminds her again to smile.

The musicman knew the strange tides.

In His Arms

When all the world looks down on you

And you see yourself shining.

All you need to do is hold on to the Truth

And nothing can cause you to fade.

Everything said, everything done.

Not one distraction standing.

You smile, satisfied, because you know.

God is always watching.

And it’s not judgement you see in His eyes.

But love abundant and growing

You wonder why, for you, He cries.

And you go on never knowing

But to you he calls out.

By name he chose.

He wants you right beside him.

To show the world that hope isn’t lost.

It’s in His arms residing.

Two - Face

Cautious and scared, always aware.

Proud and arrogant, unthought blare.

Hiding uncertain of what to say.

The ignorance, my badge of honour today.

Quietly shaking in intimidating silence.

Screams fuel the anger shared.

Darkness, the voice of hatred bore.

Innocence, lost in utter despair.

Purity blemished, unable to rebound.

Vengeance did not like clarity sound.

Stories transcend, yet they cannot comprehend.

Attack vigilant, there was no defense.

Stare into the void. Blink.

Blatant fear, awaiting the cringe.

Numb, broken, bound, ensnared.

Numb, unsatisfied, reverse what was dared.